Reparations
by Citiesofcolor
Summary: "And just like that, Jane Rizzoli, the walking wounded, is back on the job; scars and all." Jane comes to terms with her scars. Set after 1x01 See One, Do One, Teach One. Medium-length drabble acquanting myself with one of two fascinating characters


Hello everyone! It's been quite a while since I've posted anything on fanfiction, and I think this is as good as anything. As returning readers of mine know, I am a firm believer that everything, no matter what, has a specific word, and that each word has a specific meaning. The word I chose for this is Reparation, which, according to Merriam Webster's dictionary means:

1. a repairing or keeping in repair  
2. the act of making amends, giving satisfaction for a wrong or injury**:** something done or given as amends or satisfaction  
3. the payment of damages: specifically **:** compensation payable by a defeated nation for damages to or expenditures sustained by another nation as a result of hostilities with the defeated nation.

This drabble is not just about Jane coming to terms, or making amends, with Hoyt, but also with the physical reminders of it.

I fell in love with Rizzoli & Isles when I first watched, and even though the show annoys me occasionally with it's outlandish cases and degree of predictability, I love the characters. I think Jane is all anger and passion, and Maura is all logic and calm. Each has something that makes them tick; Jane is the rushing river whose motives are transparent and can make anyone bend to her will, while Maura is still water running very deep, opaque but dynamic in her own way. I believe that they are both pretty much the only person that the other has that they can turn to at any time, and although I am not a Rizzisles shipper, I think they have a great bond that I love exploring.

This is mostly Jane-centric, but does have hints of Maura as well (how can you not with this show?). Set right after the credits rolled in See One. Do One. Teach One. and explores Jane's character. Mentions events from the books, but stays mostly true to the show.

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"There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with."

_-Harry Crews_

It seemed that every time she and a certain psychopathic killer meet up, she collects more scars.

In the beginning, they were just mental; the strain of being new to the Homicide Unit, plus being a girl entering an all-guys club, and then having such a huge, important case thrust in her lap. And just as she was starting to be accepted, Hoyt cornered her and reminded everyone how vulnerable she could be made, practically screaming that she was weak. Jane wasn't sure what anyone else thought, but she certainly wasn't weak.

She hoped.

Two weeks in a hospital and then months of physical therapy before she could even squeeze a damn stress ball without screaming and crying aren't exactly reassuring to a group of men who think you can't do it in the first place.

That was her first set of scars. Two matching knots on her palms and the backs of her hands. She has taken to rubbing them when she thinks.

In the beginning, They feel foreign to her, these bumps. Every day they serve as a reminder to her of her own mortality. The twin scars are there every moment. They announce themselves as she does chores; she can see them as she vacuums, as she dusts, as she adds yet another picture to her collection.

She can feel them as she gets ready to go on a date, the smooth fabric of her dress sliding over them, seeing them as she clips on earings and a bracelet. Seeing them again as she fusses with her hair in the mirror before locking the door.

Even at work she can't escape from them. They glare at her as she types up her reports, they rub against her face when she hangs her head in her hands, they stare at her when she snaps on the latex gloves at a crime scene, and they confront her as she trains her gun on a suspect. When it rains, they ache.

But, she has gotten used to it.

She accepts them.

Now she has to do it all again.

The burns on her chest are red and raw. The EMT says it will eventually fade, and that soon she won't even notice it. She doesn't believe him. That's what they said about her hands. When she finally gets home to her ruined apartment after going out with Maura, the first thing she does is peel back the bandages to look at them.

She gets them half off when her confidence fails her. She is staring at the mirror when Jo Friday nuzzles her leg. It occurs to her that she should really buy some dog food. She turns back to the mirror and finishes peeling off the bandage, wincing as it pulls at the sensitive skin. She gasps in shock at the red marks and absentmindedly traces the edges.

The burns form a small shape about the size of a half-dollar; a rough but recognizable heart, a little to the right of where her real one beats steadily(thanks to God and a very strong mojito). Her breath catches in her throat, and she turns away from the mirror quickly. A stab of pain on the side of her neck gets her attention.

She had almost forgotten about that.

She quickly does away with that bandage too, and winces at the angry red color the tender skin is. Yet another scar to get used too. The all-knowing EMT had also had some wisdom to impart to her about that cut too.

"I can stitch it up for you, but you don't really need it. It'll hurt a bit for a while, but the scar will be light and should be unnoticable."

He had hen gone on to talk about how as little kid he had gotten scratched by his mother's awful cat and had to have four stitches. The rambling story whent on for about 15 minutes before she had threatened him with bodily harm if he didn't stop talking and just finish stitching it up.

Now in the safety of her own home, away from a prying eyes, she surveys the damage.

No more low cut shirts or dresses (not that she had owned a whole lot before). She has to get rid of the nice red dress hanging in the back of her closet, the one she had bought spontaneously on a day she had passed it in a window. The one that would now bare all of the scar on her chest. She didn't think it would be possible to wear it out in public without feeling as if everyone was staring at the scar now. Funny how for the next few months that every time anyone stared at her boobs the first thing she would think of is the scar. It would take almost two years before she would actually wear the same red dress out; she never could get up the heart to get rid of it.

She would also need a heavy cover-up for the scar on her neck. She wears her hair down on dates and formal occasions from now on, hoping her hair will cover up the thin line right above her pulse point. It is three months before she feels confident enough to wear her hair up to a family dinner. Her mother's sharp eyes catch it, and she thinks she sees tears misting in Angela's eyes, but then Jane blinks and they are gone. Later Jane wonders if they were there at all. It will be a year before it has faded enough for her to stop feeling self-concious about it.

Eventually she'll stop noticing it altogether.

But now, only a day after they are given to her, they look insurmountable.

This duly noted, she covers them back up with their badages and gets ready for bed. She can always start cleaning up tomorrow. Surprisingly, Hoyt and his buddy had left her bed relatively untouched, but she can't bring herself to sleep there. Quickly she packs a bag and grabs little Jo and heads to Maura's house.

At 8 o'clock that night, after 4 hours of sleep, her phone rings. It's Frost, she can tell by his special ringtone. She rolls over and flips it open.

"Rizzoli." She announces, dreading what he'll have to say. Maura's guest bed is more comfortable then the one she has at home (and probably more expensive), and damned if she'll leave it for anything less than a promotion or the end of the world.

"You're never going to beleive this, but we just caught a case." He says over the static.

"Are you kidding me?" She growls, aghast. Looks like she'll be leaving it after all. She tries to shrug it off. "After what happened tonight? Can't Maquette send someone else?"

"With Korsak in the hospital and Moore on his honeymoon we're short tonight, and Crowe and Sleeper already got called out tonight."

"God Frost. Fine. I'll be there in 15."

And just like that, Jane Rizzoli, the walking wounded, is back on the job, scars and all.

Sometime later that day she smiles to herself as a phrase from a forgotten book floats through her mind.

Scars mean that you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you.

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I would be eternally greatful for reviews! I'd love to see if anyone can recognize what the "forgotten book" is that I alluded to in my story :)


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